THIS
IS
A
RACE

HOKEY SPOKES!


I WANT IT. Okay I want a bike first...cause...yeah.

Also check out the PAC-MAN BIKE SPOKES and other cool toys on ADAFRUIT

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/30/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
THREE-WAY

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/29/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
BACK TO THE START


I'm in the YOUTUBE

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/29/2007 - 2 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
NEW BLOG ALERT!


You can cook for me any day, SEBASTIEN

IMG SRC
POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/28/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE






Skip to the end if you want to see a funny picture.

Otherwise, read on if you dare. I warn you, it's gonna get a bit "free-flowy."

You know how sometimes a theme pops up in your life? A bunch of coincidental things happen in a row and it feels too unlikely that it's just a coincidence? I love that. Even though it probably just is a coincidence or you're thinking about something so you're more atune to other happenings of the same nature.

Anyway, my most recent theme is the relation between consciousness and physicality - mind and body (sort of).

If you've ever been high, whatever your drug choice is, you know that physical reactions cause mental changes. Drinking makes you drunk, smoking pot makes you paranoid or giggly or lightheaded, taking ecstasy makes you euphoric, heroin makes every pain melt away. Even smoking a cigarette causes a mental change.

I'm reading "Theatre of the Mind" by Jay Ingram right now. He used to host "Daily Planet" on the Discovery Channel and "Quirks and Quarks" on CBC. I saw the book at my friend Claire and Jaron's apartment a while ago and decided to buy it recently. It seemed a more plausible read than my perpetually half-finished "Godel Escher Bach" endeavour (that was an inside joke for GEB-readers) that started 4 years ago.

I'm not that far into "Theatre of the Mind," but it's about trying to understand what consciousness is, if it is tied to a specific physical part of our bodies, and why we are conscious of ourselves. (The book talks about animals being alive and thinking about getting food or escaping harm, but that animals don't stop and ponder themselves. Their feelings are direct responses to the present.) Ingram often talks about how our conscious thoughts seem to appear behind our eyes. When you recall a memory or think of what an apple looks like, the image seems to present itself one or two inches back from the centre of your eyes (AKA, the "Theatre of the Mind," the stage on which your consciousness plays out). Why don't these visions materialize at the back of the head, or a couple inches outside of the skull? Is it possible to have out of body experiences by moving your conscious

Apparently, ancient cultures believed the heart to be the centre of consciousness because it is where the physical response to conscious thought most obviously appears. I have always struggled to understand why thoughts I have can cause physical pains or aches in my body. I also am trying to understand why drugs and alcohol can make those pains disappear.

This brings up when I first thought about separating my consciousness from my physical self. After a mind-bending (read inebriated) summer, I had a thought about the idea of Heaven. I have always thought that Heaven would be pretty damn boring. I mean, if you have to do boring things and follow The Bible or whatever doctrine you choose to follow in order to get into Heaven or Nirvana then chances are you have to keep doing those things once you're in. SNORE. I always find the best things in life are the opposite of religious ideals. Namely sex, drugs, and all those other deadly sins. My idea of Heaven is a bareback massage orgy in chocolate sauce followed by cancer-free cigarettes and champagne with HENRY CAVILL (shut up he's hot) on the couch watching endless all new episodes of The Sarah Silverman Program and throwing my best actor/director/screenwriter Oscars at the screen when we don't like a joke one of the ugly gays makes (I have a LOT of Oscars in Heaven). At least that's one version.

So, if being free of all those wonderful sinful things on Earth is what gets you into Heaven, then you must have to do those things in Heaven. And if that's all you do in Heaven, then shouldn't the people who do those things on Earth be in Heaven already? Heaven on Earth? Shouldn't they be so blissed out by being good Christians that they have no pain in their lives? If not, what's going to make them be blissed out in Heaven? What's going to be different? That's when it came to me. Heaven, if it does exist, is a place where no matter what you're doing you're enjoying it. That's exactly what drugs are. Why else would it be so much fun to be pure?

So then, if Heaven is the same thing as drugs, then why not just do drugs all the time? Why not just alienate yourself from everyone and chase the dragon off the cliff? Get higher and higher till you die. You'd be in Heaven on Earth, and since I don't actually believe in any afterlife, why not experience it now? It's a complete separation of your mind from your body - or at least an alteration of your body by your mind.

This is the idea of Tantra and Tantric sex as well - using your mind to create bliss in your body.

Same with trying to attain Nirvana - you're attempting to free your mind from the constraints of the body. My friend Ariel just went to a retreat and meditated in silence for 10 hours a day for 10 days straight. She wrote to me:

"Back from meditating. I'm enlightened, wheee!
But really, I am changed. Life changed. Clear. Inspired. I have learned how
to release and free myself from misery."


Thank God it worked cause I didn't do the website changes she asked me to do while she was gone.

My friend David was looking at himself in a reflection on the streetcar. He said he feels better knowing he can see himself. He said it would be great to be able to get past the idea of the reflection as only a narcissistic object. I told him that I remembered looking into the mirror as a kid, really looking. I was only 6, and it was the first time I thought "Why am I in this body?" It's funny how shit you figure out or think about as a kid comes back up in university, and you think "Oh, I really was touching on some deep crap when I was 6." Anyway, I remember it really freaking me out that my conscious mind seemed to be this alien peeking through my eyes and analyzing the physical form of me that I could see in the mirror. In that last sentance "I" becomes a manifestation of two beings - the physical "I" and the conscious "I". This is something I recognized when I was 6.

So then I just watched PAPRIKA, an Anime film about a machine that allows you to share your dreams - the actual experience of your dreams - with other people. People are able to visit other conscious minds. The dreams meld into each other and soon the physical world and dream world meld and switch. People act out their dreams in real life and die, people get killed in the real world from dream-wounds, and dream-objects enter the real world. It touches where Nightmare on Elm Street and The Cell could not.

Then while listening to Anna Karenina (I bought the audiobook to listen to during the drudgery of housework - thanks to CORRIBLE for the reco) yesterday a few characters discussed whether or not "a line should be drawn between the physiological and psychological experience in man. And if so, where?" They go on to talk about how if they can't even understand the psychological experience (consciousness) then how could they denounce religion/spirituality? That freaked me out. Anna fucking Karenina was preaching to me about consciousness and Heaven.

Finally, tonight, I went to see a movie. I'm completely ashamed of myself for wanting to see it, and for actually going to see it in a theatre. If it makes you feel better I didn't have to pay for it. I went to see..........ENCHANTED! Heaven help me for admitting that on my blog, but if you've come this far I expect that you might be open to hearing what I have to say about it.

I went to see it with a friend, who shall remain nameless in order to protect his or her identity, because I needed something light and stupid and funny and kind of wanted to see Enchanted. So did my friend. Plus Amy Adams is such a fuckin great actress. We laughed at ourselves as we skooched past little girls and their fathers to find our seats. In the movie, a Disney princess is cast into our world by a wicked witch so that she can't marry the wicked witch's stepson, the prince, and become queen. I knew the premise before I went, but I didn't realize until we were in the theatre why I was drawn to see it (other than the fact that I've seen The Little Mermaid about 50 times). It hit me that it was all about physical and dream states. Also, a fairytale Disney romance is many-a-person's idea of heaven. This movie was a very simplistic take on reality versus dream, physical versus dream/spirit/consciousness.

So this theme of separating reality, mind from body, physical from conscious keeps presenting itself. It keeps challenging me to take it on. But what will be my weapon? Booze? Drugs? Meditation? Tantra? Books? Films? Love?

Fucked if I know. Look at the kitties!

headcat is just a head

I'm not an R'tard



stuck in my pooper

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/27/2007 - 1 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
TOMORROW...



...is my last day guest-blogging for !! OMGBLOG !!

Writing for a blog that actually has an audience is hard work! Right mom and gramma? Actually, I think my mom got bored of reading my blog. Not enough naked guys.

Shut the door, Heather!

IMG SRC

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/26/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
MEOWOEM




Via DLISTED

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/21/2007 - 1 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
YOUR ONE STOP TREND SHOP


You like Nu_Rave? Visit Pas de Rick's seizure-inducing blog, KURSES.
POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/21/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
OMG It's ME!


I'll be guest-blogging for !! OMG BLOG !! starting tomorrow (Thursday) while dear Frank is taking a vacation for American Thanksgiving. So if you feel I'm lacking here go check out my posts on !! OMG BLOG !! til Tuesday.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/21/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
RANDOM
Some great images I found while watching BLOGGER PLAY:



















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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/20/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
NANCY SPUNGEN




How did Courtney Love not play NANCY SPUNGEN in SID AND NANCY

I still love you Gretchen.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/20/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
I HAVE A NEW GOAL


I've had a VIVIENNE WESTWOOD day. I happened to come across her and her work about 4 or 5 times by chance. I'm so fucking inspired that I'm going to grow my hair, dye it orange, and wear it in a messy circle braid or glorious curls to family functions, and I'm gonna be god damned proud of it. I can't wait!

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/20/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
I DON'T WANNA SIT NEXT TO THE LADY!


MMMMMMMMMHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/19/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
GIGERFISH




Via ENGLISH RUSSIA

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/19/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
TOMORROW'S PARTIES


Enjoy your weekends.

Via MNMN

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/16/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
WAKE UP MOMMY!


The following quote was lifted from ENCHANT AND DOOM's entry about SOPHIE CALLE'S piece on her dying mother:

On 15 February last year I received two simultaneous phone calls. One told me that I had been invited to exhibit at Venice. The other was from my mother: she had a month to live. I wanted to be there when she died, but everybody said: she will go when you leave the room, when you've wandered into the kitchen with a cup. So I set up a camera in her room and for 80 hours I stayed awake, changing the tape each hour, hoping to capture the moment of her death. It was impossible: I couldn't tell the moment. When I told my mother about Venice, she said: 'to think that I won't be there'. But she will be: my film shows the last 20 minutes of her life, it's called "Couldn’t Capture Death."

DDDDDRRRRRRRRAMMMMAAAAA!

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/16/2007 - 1 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
THIS AMERICAN LIFE AGAIN


In the episode BLAME IT ON ART a balloon animal artist is shunned by his peers when he finds success, and David Sedaris debunks being an artist. This hits the spot.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/15/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
HI

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/15/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
CHANGED MY MIND
So I set up those ad spaces and then realized that with two spaces I would be making about $7 a month. And the ads coming through were damn ugly. No thanks! If it had been a more significant amount I would have kept them.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/15/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
WANNA KNOW WHAT I DO?


When I see someone I know but don't really feel like stopping to talk or even waving but I know I have to pass through their sight-line and I want them to think that I haven't seen them if they see me I just do something like pretend to pick my nose or stick my finger in my ear then look at it or try to lick at an imaginary piece of food on the side of my face or something really embarrassing so they think "Ew, look what he's doing! There's no way he saw me if he's doing that!"

It probably would just be easier to wave. Oh well. I'm retarded.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/15/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
SPEAKING OF SELLING OUT...
Apparently I have an audience - and now I'm getting paid for doing this blog by having adspace. Might as well, right? I get to keep doing what I do, you get to keep learning about stuff that I post, and I get some moolah.

There's a banner at the top and I'm going to add a couple more spaces...then I'll see if it's worthwhile after a month.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/14/2007 - 1 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!




THIS DUDE gives me the creeps. It looks like he has trees growing out of his hands and legs and bark up his arms, but it's WARTS! I actually get the shivers just from looking at it...

Via !! OMG BLOG !!

Oh and I know it's weird but his son's really hot. What?! He's 18!

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/14/2007 - 1 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
SO MY BIKE JUST GOT STOLEN



I had just put the new seat that my brother gave me for my birthday on my bike when an old Polish woman started asking me if there was a lawyer's office nearby.

I put my bike against the fence, with the lock on the ground beside it. I went to help the old woman find the address she was looking for, and intended to turn around and lock my bike up when I was finished.

As I was finishing up with her, a delivery from my mom and her boyfriend arrived - flowers for my birthday that were re-delivered because they originally went to the wrong address.

I took the flowers outside, and left my bike lock on the ground. 20 minutes later I went back outside to get a coffee, and there was my bike, gone, with the lock basically screaming "Hey! This loser forgot to lock his bike up!" from the sidewalk where my bike and its new comfy seat used to sit.

For about a second I blamed myself, then I thought "Fuck that! Someone stole my bike! I don't care if it wasn't locked for 20 minutes, it's their fault cause it's not their bike!"

So, I've heard of bike retrieval miracles, and I'm hoping for one. If you see a HYBRID BICYCLE (much like the one pictured above - same colouring but no decals) with a brand new E-GEL SEAT (much like the one pictured above - it says "E-GEL" on the side in bright fluorescent orange letters) in on or around PARKDALE-HIGH PARK please let me know!

It's not the coolest bike, but it's still warm enough to get around for free...which I need to be able to do.

I have the serial number and filed a police report.

I have a feeling it will end up at Igor's. Dammit.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/13/2007 - 3 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
IS WANTING TO MARRY YOUR COUSIN A DEMOCRATIC OR REPUBLICAN TRAIT?


Here's a map of where it's legal and illegal to marry your first cousin. Weird.

Apparently, Sweden allows marriage between siblings who share one parent.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/13/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
WISTFUL THINKING


My friendquantance, Lesley, told me about THIS EPISODE of THIS AMERICAN LIFE. It's all about breakups and divorce from different perspectives. A woman goes on a walking tour of her neighbourhood and all the things that remind her of her freshly finished relationship. An 8 year old girl speaks about why she doesn't understand her parents' divorce. And, most notably, Starlee Kine gets Phil Collins to help her write a torch song. Though I don't like the song she wrote, I like her recognition of every song taking on new meaning when a relationship has ended.

By the way, Phil Collins DIVORCED HIS WIFE BY FAX.

Image Source

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/13/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
REAL BARROW




Yesterday I went to see the experimental shorts at the RENDEZVOUS WITH MADNESS film festival at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto.

One that stood out for me was DANIEL BARROW'S film Artist Statement. He used an old computer painting/animation program to great visual effect while candidly narrating about how he was feeling about his art and why he creates.

I wrote to him when I got home, partly to gush and partly to ask if I could use his images.

Here's an excerpt:

I was really moved by ARTIST STATEMENT. I was also envious that you so eloquently expressed so many of the feelings I'm having about where I'm at in my career right now. Shame, honesty, and fear are themes that I really want to bring out in my work and I really loved how succinctly you addressed those points in the voiceover while illustrating them so damn brilliantly on the screen. That paint program is amazing and how you used it was inspiring.

The pressure to create is also such a counter-intuitive part of the package so it was nice to see that an artist I respected was willing to divulge his self-perceived (because I would not have known that you were struggling) shortcomings.


So if you can, see the film. At least check out HIS SITE (especially the Snow Globe section and the Trading Cards which you can buy for me if you want to....)

Oh and there was a great score for the short by THE BALLET.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/12/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
PS
Oh yeah? You hate FaceBook? You think it's lame? That's great. Bye!
POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/07/2007 - 1 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
OKAY LET'S JUST END THIS RIGHT NOW
I wrote the rant following the video below after reading my friend Claire's post about Lynch and commercialism vs. artistic merit over at ENCHANT AND DOOM.



The above video is of some commercials by ROY ANDERSSON.

Here's my rant-comment from E&D:

Nothing makes me angrier than the "ARTIST or SELLOUT" debate.

When I first started doing ads after getting a degree in Fine Art, I lost some friends because of it. I got so paranoid of being a sellout that I thought people were against me that weren't.

Because of this I did a ton of research on commercial artists versus "pure" artists. There are very few who have been able to live without producing commercial work (especially those in Canada who are under a conservative regime at the moment).

Kenneth Anger is someone who has remained a "pure" artist, and even he has said that he regrets being such a renegade because now people just rip him off and he gets no credit or money for what he created.

TONS of people who are very successful filmmakers and photographers and artists have done commercial work. Wes Anderson (of course), Nan Goldin, even Roy Andersson (who directed SONGS FROM THE SECOND FLOOR) have done lots of commercial work (Andersson directed at least 300 commercials between his first film (which flopped) and SONGS).

Look at the old UNITED COLORS OF BENETTON ads, or a million other ads that so-called "pure" artists have produced.

Anyway, point is, the people I had lost now think I'm crazy for even taking a break from advertising. Turns out I took too much stock in the opinions of those people. Turns out it doesn't matter what the people think, you just have to do what you want or need to do and you have to separate your passion from your practical needs (such as food and shelter). Turns out I lost those friends because they judged my career choices instead of supporting me, not because I chose to do commercials or because I felt I was disapopinting them. I even thought my boyfriend at the time was dead against me doing anything commercial and that I was letting him down.

The idea of a "sellout" comes from the hoi polloi's own insecurities OR your own insecurities. I considered myself a sellout for a long time. Then when I thought I would just be an artist wasn't able to eat for days at a time and decided that that really sucked and I would rather be a "sellout" than dead. Even artists sell their work.

So good for Lynch. He has his priorities straight. He does commercials for products and does a damn fine job (I'd rather watch a Lynch or Andersson or Anderson directed commercial than 99.99% of the shit commercials that are on TV anyway) and he directs amazing films with NO PRODUCT PLACEMENT!

Sorry for the rant. Maybe it's cause I just drank a whole bottle of champagne and ate a batch of cookies instead of having dinner.

Apparently Ingmar Bergman says Roy Andersson's commercials (posted above) "are the best in the world".

Accept it.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/07/2007 - 3 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
WHINEY JUNKIE


Yesterday I finished reading DEAR DIARY by Lesley Arfin. I don't know why I read it. It was a vapid, self-indulgent tell-all written for teenaged girls that was not at all shocking, self-deprecating, or interesting even. I thought it might get somewhere interesting (maybe like GO ASK ALICE, which is also written for teenaged girls but is much more forthright), but it was just a rich girl from Jersey whining about how hard it was to spend all her parents' money on heroin while partying in New York for a few years.

And the worst part is that now she's profiting from it. She got published through her junkie douchebag connections at Vice and has her face plastered on the cover.

Then Chloe Sevigny writes the intro. Chloe Sevigny who got famous because she hung out with Harmony Korine at Washington Square Park doing drugs and skateboarding. WHAT THE HELL?!

I guess I'll just stop trying, go on welfare, smoke crack, get real skinny, sell drugs, steal, lie, and hang out in New York til I get rich and famous.

Actually that sounds like fun.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/07/2007 - 5 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
KALIMOTXO


My good friends came over and helped me celebrate my birthday by drinking KALIMOTXOS and posing in THESE PHOTOS. Aren't we fucking pretentious?

Watch the video to see how you make Kalimotxos and what they do to you.

I think that's what Britney puts in her babies' bottles. I WANT MY BABA!

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/05/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
JANNIE!


My big boss lady took me out for a delicious dish last night (coz it's me birfday on Sunday). She told me about THIS ARTICLE written by Ian Curtis' daughter Natalie about the Joy Division singer's biopic, CONTROL.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/02/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
WEALTH+SCIENCE≠PROGRESS


I found out about the following sadness over on OMG BLOG yesterday.

A 15 year-old French boy was raped by 3 men in Dubai. The following is from the NEW YORK TIMES ARTICLE:

"The authorities not only discouraged Alex from pressing charges, he, his family and French diplomats say; they raised the possibility of charging him with criminal homosexual activity, and neglected for weeks to inform him or his parents that one of his attackers had tested H.I.V. positive while in prison four years earlier."

His parents have set up the website BOYCOTTDUBAI.COM.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/02/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
LADIES



Last week my friend BECKY emerged from her unabomber cabin in the remote wilds of Jasper, drove across the country, and then rang my doorbell. I thought I'd post a few of her photos and tell you to go visit HER SITE.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/01/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT
AKBAR
I had seen quite a few of OLIVER HUSAIN'S videos before, and had met Oliver a couple times, but didn't put the person and the art together until a couple days ago when I came across his website.

Here's one starring the very funny Alex called "I HATE PAPA":



And a clip from "RON & LEO" (I have yet to see the full version of this, but would really like to):



Check out the rest of his sometimes hilarious, sometimes absurd, and always amazingly visual work HERE.

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POSTED BY GRAYDON AT 11/01/2007 - 0 COMMENTS - ADD COMMENT